What happens when I have a deadline.

I’ll have these articles done by lunch. Mmm, lunch. I could go and get some bread for my roast beef. That could be my reward for getting these articles done.

Okay, no food until articles done. It’s only 8.30am: I should last until lunchtime.

It’s cold today: I’ll just move the computer into the bedroom and work from bed.

Where’s my hot water bottle?

My nails look awesome: I should photograph them for Instagram.

And tag Gwen Stefani.

If I was going to eat, what food do we have in?

No eating. Start writing.

This ponytail is boring. My hair will dry funny. I know what will look better. Chun Li buns. One either side of my head.

Done. But I don’t have a cute Chun Li face to go with the hair. The effect isn’t quite what I was hoping for. But no need to change hair again. Just stop looking at reflection in laptop screen and do some writing.

I could put some make-up on. That would look cute. No: I am writing in bed. I do not need make-up on.

I should let Facebook know how much I am procrastinating today.

No, I should start writing.

Too late, I’m doing it: the window was open anyway and it hardly takes any time.

Ooh, just heard a ping. I should turn the notifications off – who cares if someone liked my status? That won’t help me with my deadline. At all.

It’s my uncle! He doesn’t like my status, though; he’s commenting about my foetus cousin’s imminent arrival.

I’ll probably change the term ‘foetus cousin’ later.

That’s exciting: I really should respond to that before I get into this article.

Oh, he does like my status too: that’s nice.

Can’t wait for my cousin to be born! How am I supposed to concentrate now.

Okay, I’m a very very long way away from my little cousin: approx 15,000km. My deadline is much much closer. Prioritise now.

Where’s my scarf? I’ll go and get it – probably left it on the sofa. Good to stretch legs frequently anyway. This isn’t procrastination: it’s good working practice and I’ll be warmer with scarf. It is cold today.

My word, it is cold out of bed. The scarf wasn’t in the living room, but at least I hung up coat from last night. And found the scarf in the closet when I went to hang coat. A great result all round.

I have written about twenty words. I need to do about 1500 more. Get on with it now.

Oh no, the sun is coming out. The sun is my Kryptonite. Pretend it’s not there. You should have done this yesterday when it was raining all day anyway; you can’t look at the lovely day and feel resentful now. It’s a deadline, not an option. Just write. It’s easy. You’re doing it now. Switch documents and carry on writing.

I should do a follow-up post on August Appreciation: that is going so well. I think I may be benefiting more than anyone else due to the good feelings arising every time someone reports back on their AA experience. Can’t be helped. Unless I started distributing Tiffany lockets or something. Then the other people would probably feel better than me. No wages without working, though: those lockets won’t buy themselves.

The lockets aren’t real.

I’ll mention my Instagram account in my next blog post, too: that has become an overnight sensation. Maybe not a sensation, but my pictures are being liked. By strangers. I’m having fun with Instagram, but not really bothering with the filters at the moment. I thought I’d be filtering everything, but it seems disingenuous, particularly with the food and Instax photos. Why try and make my baking look like something it’s not?

Oh good, it’s raining again. Heavily. I can do some writing now.

Must stop looking out of window to check if it’s still raining.

Why don’t I just get on with it? I’m meeting a friend this afternoon: it’s not as though I have all day. And I don’t want to spend all day on it! That would take my hourly rate down to around 5c/h.  That’s a depressing thought. Come on, you’re worth more than that. Just do it. There’s so much more I have to be getting on with, too. Okay, no more – how have I written 700 words on this and about 70 on my actual work?

Formatting the first article and all I can think about is food. I don’t even think I’m hungry. Maybe a cup of tea. Maybe I just want an excuse to do something else. Maybe.

Okay, I’m starving now.

10.20am First article submitted. I am shaking my head at myself. Moving on.

I wonder if a short break is in order.

Probably not.

I think this is genuine hunger. I should seek out a snack.


If I can go another 90 minutes or so without food, I could just have lunch, instead of lunch and a load of extra food. I don’t need a load of extra food. Cup of tea? I’ll want a bun with it then, though. Then another with my lunch. This way obesity lies.

Check the cupboards? Pretty sure I already know what’s in them and this is not sounding much like hunger. Piece of fruit? What about that gluten-free porridge which isn’t really porridge? That was quite filling, though, and I don’t need filling.

I should blog about the porridge stuff. I have made lots of stuff from The Healthy Chef’s website over the last fortnight. Would be good to share it. Don’t break off to write a blog post now, though. Read your source articles! Now!

Green tea and an apple: the healthy way to procrastinate. In 80 minutes or so I shall have lunch. With a bun.

Now messing around on Instagram and seeing so much that I love. Who cares if I am not super-focused 100% of the time? I love my life: it is pretty, it is happy, it is creative and it is perfect.

*leans back, rests head on sleigh bed, closes eyes, sighs, smiles*

*jerks head back up*

Argh, idealistic hippy thinking hasn’t made the deadline go away! Epiphany: finishing the article will make the deadline go away. Reward: publishing blog post written in lieu of actual work. It’s a deal.