The Bachelorette Australia: Bad Bromance

The Bachelorette Australia: Bad Bromance

Two shows in and I’m already a Bachelorette fan. I didn’t really want to watch The Bachelorette (I didn’t!), for two reasons:

  1. The Bachelorette, Samantha Frost, wasn’t my favourite last year (she took part in The Bachelor; my favourite was Lisa, who made it to the final two but was then booted in favour of Sam, argh, I shouldn’t care)
  2. I was still smarting over the result of this year's Bachelor (my favourite was Lana, who made it to the final two last week but was then booted in favour of Snezana, argh, what’s wrong with me? Apart from being able to pick a runner-up a mile off, apparently).

So I thought I’d sit this one out, and I still don’t really know how I ended up watching it, but I did, and I loved it, in spite of its appalling premise and extremely weird living arrangements for the buddies, sorry, competitors.

14 dudes have signed up to live in a house together for as long as it takes for Sam to decide she isn’t interested and decline to offer them a buttonhole. In the time between Sam saying hello to them (and accepting all manner of housewarming gifts) and helping them back into the limo/Citroen, the boys all agree to hang out, love each other and, most importantly, adhere to their self-imposed BroCode™.

What a load of tripe. The BroCode™ includes such gems as “mutual respect for each other”, “mutual respect for Sam”, “tautology” and “other nonsensical phrases”. Someone else may have added the last two.

God, I’ve forgotten why I started writing this one! Now that I think about it, all I am doing is highlighting my televisual vices. Hmm. I do usually have a reason for my posts, if not an actual point.

Maybe I was going to say that it turns out I do actually like Sam (so far, but how much can you tell from two episodes?). Or was it to outline my concerns about the BroCode™? Yes, I think it was. Perhaps not concerns so much as the general contradictory nature of it all.

So the boys all promise to love, honour and obey one another ahead of trying to bag the same girl (I said bag). They all want to end up with her in X number of weeks, but in the meantime the important thing is that nobody cuts anybody else’s grass (presumably this is an Australian thing – I would have thought this meant you don’t want to help another person – isn’t cutting somebody else’s grass a nice thing to do? They seemed to be saying it in the same way that another person might say “I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes” or “I don’t want to steal anybody’s thunder”, but maybe Australians wear thongs so often that stepping on someone’s toes is no big deal, and the weather is so nice that there isn’t any thunder to be stolen. Who knows. They talked about cutting grass quite a lot, anyway. I suppose it could be a drug reference. Or something sexual. Made no sense to me at all).

So the boys want everyone to have a fair crack at Sam, without other pesky suitors ie themselves getting in the way. Isn’t that lovely. If one of the bros is talking to Sam, the other boys must keep their distance. No cutting in on their conversation (or their grass).

Now, maybe I am a strange kind of woman, or maybe I have just never had to fight for another lass on national television before, but is this really the way to win her heart? By making it explicit that not only are you happy to share her, but that you insist? That you have an unbreakable code to ensure everyone gets uninterrupted SamTime, thank you?

Maybe they just want to come across as lovely boys on the telly so that, when at least thirteen of them get rejected, the ladies on the outside of the television screen will want to be boyfriend and girlfriend with them.

But, as nice as some of them occasionally appear, why would you want a boyfriend who has conversations like this?

“BroCode™, man.”

“Yeah. BroCode™.”

“Seriously, though, man. Brocode™. BroCode™?”

“BroCode™.”

“BroCode™.”

Either something went wrong in the editing suite, or the bros spent an unnatural amount of time murmuring, nodding or hollering “BroCode™” to one another. And I ended up hoping someone would break the bloody BroCode™ before it became a cult and Sam ended up the sacrificial lamb.

Naturally, I didn’t have long to wait. First episode, cheeky chappy Dave attempts a breaking of BroCode™, but the bros agree he didn’t break it (I think he did but he’s a cheeky chappy so it’s okay!), he just almost tested the notion of BroCode™ but we’re all still bros, man.

Second episode – aha! Someone less likeable has a bash at BroBreaking! Let’s get him! I think he is also called Dave, or Davo, or Davide. But this one is an international model so it’s okay to go to town on him, whether or not he cut anyone’s grass (I think he did).

BroCode™ is gone, man. It’s out.

Quote from one bro: He’s dead to me.

Oh.

Sam decided to kill him off by the end of the episode, too. Not for the cutting-in - she doesn’t give a Castlemaine XXXX for BroCode™ - but for what he said to her in his pitiful argument, sorry, explanation afterwards. Something about her liking tattoos and footballers. It wasn’t too offensive, really, but neither was it classic wooing material.

Davo is dead. Long live Davo. It remains to be seen whether or not BroCode™ died with Davo #1, but I very much suspect that I have not heard the last utterance of BroCode™, particularly as the episode ended with shots of the bros on the sofa, arms draped round shoulders, on knees etc. Even the girls didn’t bother with physical affection outside of the obligatory hugs. Maybe this time it’s the real thing.